Time goes by. It just keeps going. It feels like it is going faster and faster since April 2008. Like time is pushing me away from you, like I am supposed to start running. Strange. I am becoming resentful at the pain. It just follows me around like a fly. I have my book though. The notebook that gets to hold it. I  have been writing in it for two years now.

I miss you Brad. I miss you so much. I really thought you would be back by now. I am sorry I have not fixed this yet. I need to talk to you. There is so much going on and I want to tell you. Emily needs you. She needs you so much right now. I feel like I am sinking. Slowly sinking. I have so much going on right now that I cannot sit still for more than a few minutes, a day. It almost awes me how buried I am. So much to do. I guess keeping busy is what keeps me afloat. When I stop, you fill my head. Right now, I am stopped. It hurts. Sometimes, I am so so mad at you. Why did you take the risk? Why did you do this. This is such a mess and I can get it cleaned up, I can't fix it. But I am the repair man and I am supposed to find a solution. I can't find it.